IOWA CITY, Iowa – Pat Harty and Rob Howe are back with their Week 3 picks after taking a beating with their selections a week ago. These are for entertainment purposes only, and by that we mean laughter:
Iowa 24, Pittsburgh 17: The legend of C.J. Beathard continues to grow as he throws two more touchdown passes, rushes for 180 yards on three carries and then climbs on top of Bob Brooks’ giant tape recorder at midfield after the game and sings a new version of the Iowa fight song, which was written by his father.
North Carolina 31, Illinois: 28: Trailing by 10 points in the fourth quarter, the North Carolina players gain confidence after being reminded that it wasn’t that long ago when Tim Beckman was coaching the Illinois players.
Northwestern 30, Duke 28: With his team having won its season opener with him wearing shorts, Northwestern coach Pat Fitzgerald surprises everybody for this game by a wearing an old ratty t-shirt with a pack of candy cigarettes rolled up in his sleeve.
LSU 21, Auburn 16: Donald Trump calls the speed and athleticism in this game average.
Toledo 38, Iowa State 35: Paul Rhoads says afterwards that he is proud to have lost to a team that defeated Arkansas on the road the previous week.
Last week: 1-4
Iowa 27, Pittsburgh 17: Marshall Koehn scores all of Iowa’s points with three touchdowns off of fake field goals, two field goals and three extra points.
North Carolina 23, Illinois 20: Gene Chiziz devises way to slow down Illini. UNC mints 10,000 coins of their defensive coordinator. He leaves school immediately after they’re issued.
Duke 34, Northwestern 27: I can’t think of a smart-ass comment intelligent enough to do either of these schools justice.
LSU 24, Auburn 20: Upset with losing again in Death Valley, a place it hasn’t won since ’99, Auburn fires head coach Gus Malzahn and replaces him with former head man Gene Chizik, who left UNC as mentioned in a previous snide comment. Auburn decides not to make coins.
Toledo 31, Iowa State 30: Cyclones thrown off by the poor quality of Toledo water.
Last week: 2-3