By Pat Harty

IOWA CITY, Iowa – Here are my latest Big Ten football power rankings accompanied by what I believe each of the conference’s 18 head coaches would say to me personally upon seeing where their team is ranked.

So remember, these quotes aren’t real. They’re just me having some fun, sometimes at my expense, while also figuring out the rankings after two full weeks into the season.

1. Indiana, 2-0, “Hey Einstein, tell me something I don’t know about my team.” Curt Cignetti.

2. Ohio State, 1-1, “Yikes, I’ve already used up my one loss for the season.”  Ryan Day.

3. USC, 3-0, “Unlike your hero James Rockford, you couldn’t afford to live in a trailer near the ocean in Malibu, but I sure could.” Lincoln Riley.

4. Penn State, 2-0, “Aren’t they sick of you in Iowa City by now?” Matt Campbell.

5. Michigan, 2-0, “You’re almost as old as I am, but I’m guessing I’m set up better for retirement.” Kyle Whittingham.

6. Washington, 2-0, “I don’t care how old you are; can you play on offense?” Jedd Fisch.

7. Oregon, 1-1, “In case you didn’t know, the movie Animal House was filmed on the Oregon campus.” Dan Lanning.

8. Iowa, 2-0, “We just have to keep working hard and try to get better every day. It’s a long season filled with ups and downs, and it’s important to take it one game at a time, and one practice at a time.” Kirk Ferentz.

9. Nebraska, 2-0, “I certainly would’ve offered Kade Pieper a scholarship if I were coaching Nebraska at the time he committed to Iowa.” Matt Rhule.

10. UCLA, 2-0, “Do you even know what UCLA stands for?” Bob Chesney.

11. Maryland, 2-0, “How can I take someone who doesn’t like crab cakes seriously?” Mike Locksley.

12. Illinois, 1-1, “My last season at Iowa in 1992 was also your first year on the Iowa beat if I remember correctly. And now look where we are in life. Hey, I’m sorry, Pat, that was mean.” Bret Bielema.

13. Michigan State, 2-0, “Can you believe 31 years have passed since I broke my leg against Iowa and missed playing in the Rose Bowl for Northwestern?” Pat Fitzgerald.

14. Northwestern, 1-0, “I’m guessing coming out of high school you had no chance of meeting Northwestern’s academic requirements.” David Braun.

15. Minnesota, 1-1, “Our loss to Mississippi State this past Saturday felt a lot like playing Iowa.” P.J. Fleck.

16. Wisconsin, 1-1,”Fine. Whatever. I played for an Ohio State team that led Iowa 56-0 in the second quarter in 1995.” Luke Fickell.

17. Purdue, 1-1, “Who are you again?” Barry Odom.

18. Rutgers, 0-2, “Iowa was lucky to play UMass last season rather than this season.” Greg Schiano.